I have mentioned in a few of my previous posts that I am a hospice volunteer. I decided to do this last spring, as I have found my schedule to be somewhat flexible and wanted to engage in some meaningful volunteer work. The organization I am volunteering for is Hospice For Utah. It was started by an R.N. who had worked for a hospice in Montana and the agency has grown from a very small office in her home to three offices along the Wasatch Front.
I went to an all day volunteer training last April, and found it to be one of the most worthwhile things I've ever done. Even if I had decided not to volunteer, I would have been glad to have gone to the training. I heard so many inspirational stories from the staff, and it was clear to me that these are people who are very dedicated to the cause of helping people die with dignity. I found it liberating to discuss the topic of death so openly, which is something our society isn't very good at doing.
It took awhile after the training to get assigned to any patients because of background checks, TB tests, etc. Meanwhile, I found out that one of my Social Work classes required 20 hours of volunteer work during the semester, so I felt fortunate that I had decided to pursue this when I did.
In May I was assigned to visit three individuals who were all residing an assisted living facility that's not even two miles from my home. All of the patients I've visited are women, and all are quite elderly.
B. is in her 80's and has Alzheimers. She's from New York and she's Jewish. She used to work in her parents candy store in New York City. She's also lived in California. She has two children. I know this because each Alzheimer's patient has a sheet outside their room with their picture and some personal information about them. I have also learned of these things from B. herself. As is typical of someone with Alzheimer's, she'll randomly say things out loud, and she has spoken of these things. When I visit her, we don't have conversations. I sit next to her in the Day Room, and hold her hands, which she likes me to rub. She'll talk, sleep, hum, moan, and occasionally smile.
T. is 94 and moved here from Anaheim, CA. She worked as an R.N. until she was almost 70. She is extremely bright and quick for her age. She was raised in upstate New York, by Niagara Falls. Her daughter moved her to Ogden from California so she could be close to her. T. absolutely hates it in Utah. She always tells me, "Die in your 70's." She says it's very lonely to be as old as she is because she's outlived everyone she loves. She also says that she prays everyday for "...the Lord to take me." She's shared with me that she's thought about ending her life, but can't because of her faith. While these comments make her seem rather depressing, she really isn't. She's pretty fun, actually. My time with T. is spent walking with her (she uses a walker extremely well) and talking with her. I spend more time with T. than the other two women I visit, due to the fact that she's in such good condition both physically and mentally, and therefore, she has both the stamina and desire to converse for longer periods of time.
I had not visited T. for two weeks, due to vacations. When I went to the assisted living faclity to visit her today, I was told she'd taken a bad fall and was placed in a nursing home. I went to the nursing home to see her and was totally unprepared for what I encountered. T. not only fell, she fell flat on her face. Her entire face and neck are swollen and purple. She didn't look anything like herself. She slept the entire time I was there, so I just wrote a little note and left after awhile. I'm sure this fall is going to take a huge toll on her and I wonder if her prayers will soon be answered.
D. is the other individual I've visited. She is from the area and has a daughter in Roy. D. never left her room, opting to eat her meals in there rather than the Dining Room, and avoided contact with any of the other residents. She was not very conversant, and actually was quite sick with a UTI the whole month of June, therefore, I didn't establish much of a relationship with her. My time was really just spent popping in to say hello and checking to see if there was anything I could do for her. Today when I went to visit her, housekeeping was cleaning out her room, which was empty. D. passed away on Saturday.
Overall, my experience volunteering for hospice has been worthwhile and actually quite positive. I believe the training helped me immensely. I find myself learning to be a better listener and also learning to be comfortable in the silence; just learning to be with another person. Anyone who has served as a volunteer knows that you get so much more than you give.
I do wonder if it would be more difficult emotionally if I were visiting a younger individual who was dealing with a disease like cancer or ALS. Somehow it's easier to accept sickness and death when it's an elderly person who has lived to an advanced age. Perhaps I'll have the chance to find out. As they say in the hospice movement, we're all terminal from birth.
Thanks for that post Laura! Of course, I am reminded of my time with Annie. Until I spent my time (3 years) with her, I thought I might want to volunteer with Hospice. I found it very painful to watch her die. Not that she actually died, but that she suffered so much waiting to die. Despite such a poor quality of life, she clung to life, even by a thread. Despite her pain and her strong faith, she clung to life. I learned a lot from her. Any time I question my purpose in life, I have only to think of her and know that it was critically important that I was there for her. I imagine you are going to experience this same thing only many times over. It makes me think that although many of us may think we need to do great acts to satisfy our purpose in this life, serving someone like this, as small as it it in the grand scheme of life, is huge to the person/people we serve.
ReplyDeleteHave you read the book "May I Walk You Home"? It's about doing what you are doing. It's a small book, an easy read. I think I still have it if you want to read it.
Again, thanks for sharing and I hope you'll keep us updated.
I got so emotional reading your post. It brought back memories of Josh's mom. Hospice was only allowed to come in the last couple days before she passed because Josh's dad did not want them. They became so close with us in such a short time. It takes a special person to be able to comfort people at such a very difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are able to do so many things that you haven't done in the past. I enoyed my time as a Home Health Aide being able to see and hear so many different people's life stories.