Now and Then

Yesterday was a cold, snowy spring day so the kids and I spent some time looking at pictures. When I found this picture of Sam and a very young Leo (10 years ago), it reminded me of a recent picture we took of Sam with a very young Cloe (who's actually still very young!)

Our Sam has always loved animals, but in particular, dogs. I just love these pictures of him. You can tell from the look on his face in both photos just how excited he is to have this puppy in his life.

I also love the black cowboy boots he's wearing in this picture of him with Leo. In an attempt to be just like dad, he used to wear those constantly. He wore them the first time we went to Disneyland and got horrible blisters, because unbeknownst to Chip or myself, he had taken his socks off and put his boots back on. He never complained once.

I wish I would have enjoyed those toddler/preschool years more instead or worrying so much. I was always SO worried that I wasn't doing it "right," as if there's a manual that tells you how to do it! I remember an older lady at Elim, the first church we attended, telling us "young" moms that her one regret in life was that she wished away each stage in her children's lives, in the anticipation that the next stage would be easier. It wasn't until they were adults that she came to the realization it would never be easy, (because she now worried about the grandkids), and she became painfuly aware of all the time she'd missed out on and could never get back. That would be a very easy thing to do, and something I think most parents are guilty of at one time or another if they're honest about it. I do think I've relaxed considerably in my worries, or maybe the kids are just older and can communicate better so I don't have to do as much guess work. (As if there's no guess work with a 16-year-old!) I still worry, and will probably look back in 10 years and wish I hadn't done so much of it during their Jr. High/High School years. However, I do think I am better able to just BE with our kids and really enjoy them as people. At least I hope I am.

I remember hearing a psychologist speak who said parenting is the one job you want to work yourself out of. I agree with that in terms of the fact that you do need to equip your children with the tools they need to launch. However, I know without a shadow of a doubt that when Caitlin's 50, I'll still be wondering if she is sleeping okay, and when Sam's 50, I'll still worry that he's just going along with things and not asking for what he really wants or needs.

All that being said, now Sam can't say I never blog about him and it's all about Caitlin! I am, if anything, an equal opportunity blogger!

A Big Disappointment

I've been putting off writing this blog entry, but finally decided to Just Do It! I received a letter from Weber yesterday telling me I did not get accepted into the Nursing Program. The reason cited was my G.P.A. did not meet the minimum requirement to be accepted into the program. Now, this is a little confusing to me as I currently have a 4.0 at Weber, and graduated from the University of Utah in 1989 with a G.P.A. that met Weber's minimum requirement. The only thing I can figure is they're looking at my G.P.A. from my A.S. I received in 1983 (yes....you read it, 1983) which was not high enough to meet the minimum requirement. I can't confirm this for sure until April 2nd, when they're holding a meeting for all the people rejected (the rejects, as I lovingly refer to those of us that didn't make the cut) to answer any questions. I was also informed that I cannot meet with an advisor to discuss any of this until after this date.

Boy, talk about your past catching up with you! Oh, to be able to go back to your late teens/early 20's with the the wisdom and experience you have now! I will say it made quite an impression on the kids, especially Caitlin, and I think this whole experience gave them a clue as to why we're always talking about their grades and making sure they're keeping them up. Both kids are good students but we're always reinforcing this and pushing them (nagging them) along.

I must say I was very touched by the way in which both the kids resonded to me when I got this news. Caitlin took my hand, sat me down on the couch, told me I could cry if I wanted to, and proceeded to tell me she knew I had worked very hard, that I must be very disappointed, and it was Weber's loss. I hadn't cried at all until then, and I believe I was crying as much in response to the compassionate way in which she treated me as I was out of disappointment!

I am disappointed, It's hard to have put in all this work these past months, and I have that darn Chemistry grade up to an A, no less! And if I'm really honest, it's a bit of a blow to the old ego. No, actually it's a big blow. It's funny that no matter how old a person is, it still stings to be rejected.

Of course I will be talking to the Nursing Department on April 2nd to get some more information. My gut feeling is that they'll tell me I need to take the majority of those core classes over in order to get my G.P.A. up from where it was when I got my A.S., but we'll see. Why this was never brought to my attention to begin with is the first question I'll ask. I know I showed my transcripts to at least one advisor, but I'm wondering if they only looked at cumulative when I graduated with my B.A. in English rather than the A.S.

In the meantime, I've arranged two appointments with advisors next week to look into two other programs; one is in Health Information Systems and the other would be doing the coursework to complete another Bachelor's Degree, this time in Social Work, and go on to the Master's Program for my M.S.W. I'll evaluate how long all these different programs will take, including doing what it will ultimately take to get accepted into the Nursing Program, the cost, and of course, what I can expect to make upon graduating. Oy vay!

So, today I took a mental health day. I have not cracked a book or checked my online classes at all. In fact, at around 9:00 this morning I was trying to determine how to best deal with this disappointment. I determined the situation called for chocolate, wine, or shopping. I had no chocolate in the house worth eating, it was a tad early for wine (I wasn't THAT devastated), so that left shopping. I went shopping with the gift card my dad gave me for my birthday and bought myself a couple of spring shirts to cheer myself up. Then I went and bought some pansies to plant in the front yard, and sat down and read a good book. After I felt I'd indulged myself enough and was done with my pity party, I made the phone calls about the above programs and got things in motion again.

Life is full of disappointments, but it does go on. Also, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. As a person of faith, I know that our plans and God's plans for us are sometimes not the same. So, I'm going on faith that in the next few weeks/months I'll know what path to pursue and maybe it will still be nursing and maybe it won't. One life lesson I have learned is that the only thing in life that we can be sure of is that things change and the more open we are to that, the more peace we ultimately have within ourselves.

In the meantime, dinner needs to be cooked, Caitlin needs to be taken to work, and Sam needs to be taken to a party!

Happy Birthday Cloe!

Yesterday was Cloe's 1st birthday! It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since we first laid eyes on our girl. She was born on the 19th of March and we went to Kanosh Labs on March 21st, on our way to Las Vegas for Easter break. We didn't specifically choose her during that visit, as the pups were only 2 days old and were basically a blob of sleeping puppies when we saw them. We did determine which litter we wanted a pup from at that time and put money down. We actually chose Cloe a few weeks later from the website. Owen would post weekly pictures of the pups and we'd get on and TRY to choose which one to pick. They were all so adorable it really was difficult. In the end, Owen said whichever pup you choose, you'll end up feeling it was the right dog for you because you fall in love with them. He was so right. It's hard to remember what life was like without her because she's such a significant member of the family now. Although I'm sure Leo remembers the days before Cloe when he was top dog and could sleep all day in the backyard without the constant demands to play. She definitely makes her presence known.

We would HIGHLY recommend Kanosh Labs to anyone who is looking for a Lab as a pet. Cloe is incredibly smart and a wonderful family dog. We will get our next dog from them. Sometimes I just go to the website to see the new litters because they're so cute. I actually do this if I'm feeling a little blue because seeing those puppies always makes me smile! The website is www.kanoshlabs.com if you ever want to take a look.

These pictures were taken last night at the park, which is out nightly ritual. Cloe is of course much faster than Leo and she bolts to get the frisbee, which she can usually catch while in the air. Leo faithfully runs a few feet behind her, not really in an attempt to retreieve the frisbee, but just for the thrill of running. Eventually, however, Leo decides he needs a turn and will try to take it from Cloe and the tug-o-war begins. That's when we take matters into our hands and hold Cloe so the old boy can show us his stuff and boy is he proud when he does. They have a great time and bark all the way to the track because they know what's in store. The fun always ends with a dip in the creek and wet dog smell the rest of the night! We love our four legged family members.

Spring came to our house today!

This is the first bulb to bloom in our yard. I've been watching it for days, and today was the big day. One may wonder why I find this blogworthy. Well, for a few reasons; I can see it from the office window where I spend most of my day, it's one of my favorite colors, and it just plain makes me happy.

Lots o' Stuff

First of all, I have to brag about my brother. My brother, Mitch, who has developed quite a talent for photography. I'm not sure how long ago he began exploring this hobby, however, he has become very good and has actually won some awards at the Iowa State Fair, as well as having had a picture or two published in photography magazines. (Mitch, since you're one of the very few people who read this blog....I hope I'm getting this all right...if not, you can set me straight.) I have 9 of his photographs hanging in our home. He does still lives, scenery and most recently has begun doing portraits. He's done some graduation portraits, and we're hoping the sun, moon, and stars will all align so he can do Caitlin's. Anyway, he has his own blog where he posts recent pictures he's taken (http://www.photosbypalmer.blogspot.com/) and has recently set up a webpage where you can view and purchase pictures (http://mitchpalmer.zenfolio.com/.) Many of his pictures are of the scenery around Iowa and they're beautiful. He took some pictures at the Huntsville Monastery when he was here visting a couple of years ago which he used to make some confirmation cards for a friend. Anyway, I'm awfully proud of him and admire his ability to see something some ordinary, or something that would be so easily overlooked, and turn it into art. And yes, Mitch, I do consider it art :)

Speaking of wonderful siblings, we had another great visit with Chip's sister, Ann, on her way home from Montana. I've included a couple of pictures, one of which includes our other visitor, Flat Emma. We're really looking forward to seeing Chuck and Marilyn when we head to Montana over Easter, and to seeing the whole clan in July at Courtney's wedding in Estes Park.

Chip and I went for a 12-miler today. It was a nice route which included some hills, and was an absolutely beautiful day for a long run, although a little chilly to begin with. I am so enjoying these long runs. I plan to maintain them after the half-marathon by doing one every Saturday or Sunday morning. It's the cheapest form of therapy I know of and you burn a few calories while you're at it. Talk about a win-win!

We bought Cloe a kong frisbee because we have long believed she would make a good "frisbee dog." Well...we were right. Chip, Sam and I took Cloe and Leo to the park today and she couldn't get enough of it. She was able to catch a couple mid-air which was fun to watch. Leo did fantastic, too. He was running like crazy, tongue hanging out, muddy and wet, and having a good old time. He really just wanted to carry the frisbee around in his mouth and feel it flop around, but Cloe didn't let that last too long. She's small but mighty and can pretty much overpower Leo with attitude, if not force. Leo is doing so great and is back to his old self. We're very relieved and have a renewed appreciation and love for the ole boy.

Chip's off helping our neighbor, Jessica, who lost her keys and needed her daughter picked up from the mall. After that, we're onto more episodes of 24....season 3. At this rate, we should be caught up to date with 24 by the time Sam graduates from high school. Yes, I know we set such high standards for ourselves. Just call us the family of overachievers!

A New Toy, Birthday Fun, and Flat Visitors

Okay, so I'm pretty sure that up until this past Saturday we were the only family in the Western United States that didn't own a laptop. (No, make that the second family...Chip's parents don't have one!) I am happy to say that I am typing this blog entry on "our" (we all really know it's mine) new laptop and loving every minute of it.

As a couple, Chip and I are hopelessly behind the times in terms of technology. I attribute this to laziness on my part and frugality on Chip's. Anyway, we were the people who didn't have cable television until about 6 years ago. I remember Caitlin being so excited to tell everyone we had finally got cable and they'd look at her like she told them we'd just put in indoor plumbing. In fact, I was sure when I finally got around to social networking by getting a Facebook page that I would find out within a week or so that Facebook was passe and everyone was on to some newer, better way of socializing via the internet. So far, so good in that regard.

I am realizing quite quickly, however, that if I thought surfing the net while sitting at the desk in our office was a time eater, well....I ain't seen nothing' yet!

Last week was my 45th birthday and I have to say I had a wonderful 3 day long celebration. I am truly blessed to have so many friends and family with whom to celebrate special days with. My friend Mary took me to lunch on my birthday and after three hours we had eaten half of our delicious, healthy stir-fry, but had managed to polish off a bottle of wine and each eat an entire dessert. Well, Mary did leave some of her dessert, but I ate every rich, decadent chocolate morsel of mine because it's my birthday and I'll overindulge if I want to. Chip and I went to lunch at Zucca's on Friday where we had a wonderful time and some really good food. On Saturday night, my mom had us over, along with some friends, for some food and fun. I guess it's a good thing birthdays only come around once a year or I'd never get anything done and would gain a ton of weight.

Last week we had Chip's sister, Ann, stop through for the night on her way to see the folks in Montana. She's heading back this week, so we'll get another much anticipated visit from her. Caitlin and Sam just LOVE their Aunt Ann. She's such fun and when we're all together we laugh a lot and talk about all kinds of things. Maybe we can get a picture of them all together on her next visit.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention our other visitor who's staying with us. We received a "Flat Stanley" in the mail last week from our friend, Emma, who was a student at the preschool and the daughter of a good friend. Flat Stanley is a children's book about a little boy who gets caught up in a kite and goes on all kinds of adventures. (At least that's how I remember the story.) It is a very popular project among the early elementary crowd. After reading the book in class, the students get to color a Flat Stanley and mail it, along with a journal, to someone for a visit. I remember Sam did this project in 2nd Grade and his Flat Stanley went to the ranch and had all kinds of adventures with Chip's parents. Our Flat Stanley arrived looking as much like Emma as it could, despite the fact it's a boy. He has red hair like Emma and very pretty pink and purple clothing with little swirls drawn all over it. She wrote Flat Emma on the back, in case we were to mistake it for a boy :) So far, Flat Emma went with us to a rock n rollin' time at The Genesis Project on Friday night (I'll explain about that in another blog entry....), to my mom's on Saturday night, and will be going to both Jr. High and High School this week.

Well, time to do more Chemistry. Curiously, I always find myself blogging when I have Chemistry to do...hmmmm..wonder if there's anything to that? I do have to say that I'm feeling much better about my status in that class after the professor sent out an e-mail to all of us saying that the average on the last test was 70%. That was very good news for me and much needed boost as I'm well above that and comforted to know that I'm not the only one struggling!

Signs of Spring!

Today I experienced my first signs of Spring. I have beautiful, little, green (yes, you read it...GREEN!!) shoots coming up in the flower beds out front that are eagerly waiting to grow into beautiful purple and white crocus and yellow daffodils. I absolutely LOVE spring flowers. Planting bulbs in the fall is such a leap of faith and I kind of forget about those little bulbs in the ground, taking in their oxygen and getting ready to do their thing all winter long. But every year they come up again in all their glory and I'm always a little surprised and very happy to see them! I get starved for color by this time of year and am even happy to see my patchy yellow-green grass that has reappeared since the glaciers in the front yard have receded.

My second sign of spring was hearing my "Amber bird" this morning during my run. Amber is a little girl who was a student at the preschool the first two years it was in business. Amber had a condition known as Carpenter's Syndrome, which among other things resulted in her being born with webbed feet and hands, and that's one of the minor aspects of this syndrome. She had undergone countless surgeries at her tender age and had the scars to prove it. One of the characteristics of this syndrome is a sing-song quality to the voice. Amber's voice was so sweet to listen to. She'd never call us "Miss Laura" or "Miss Jenny;" rather, she would say "Tea-cher" in this melodic, lilting voice. There is a bird I hear about this time every year that sounds exactly like Amber. I hear it in droves all spring and summer long during my morning runs and it brings me such joy. I have no idea what happened to Amber. Her family moved from the area after she graduated, but I'll always remember her because she taught me so much about courage, tenacity and compassion. I'm glad my Amber Bird is back.